Zelda: Link And His Merry Men
by Sonata-Time-Nocturne-Flare-Aoi
Summary: Complete! A look at Link and his band of bumbling thieves as they try to get through many a day in their quest to save Nottingham from the corrupt leaders and officers, However, this will prove to be much harder then expected. Rated T for language.
1. Chapter 1

**Link And His Merry Men: A Twisted Robin Hood Tale**

**By**: Master Jin Sonata

**Genre**: Humor

**Written**: June 2007

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**Disclaimer**: I do not own Nintendo or the Zelda franchise. I do however own this scenario Link and his buds will endure. (Evil grin)

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_Once upon a time in the days of old, on the outskirts of England, lived a band of rogues who will forever be remembered as heroes to the needy citizens of Nottingham. Indeed, the band of four young men who resided in the forests of Sherwood would be known as Robin Hood and his Merry Men. Lately, they have been constantly on the run from the __Sheriff of Nottingham, who once always fell victem to the hereoes' raids and their 'Steal from the rich, give to the poor' policy. However, Sherrif Ganondorf has another thing for them, and its not money either. We open the story here._

**Heroes And Villains**

**Link**: As Robin Hood, our hero of the story.

**Locke**: One of Link's Merry Men, a shifty, mysterious bandit from another land.

**Leak**: One of Link's Merry Men, an overweight man who'd rather eat then help the needy people.

**Luke**: One of Link's Merry Men, once a rich snooty aristocrat, now a bumbling thief wannabe who tries to fit in.

**Ganondorf**: Sheriff of Nottingham. An arrogent twit who taxes the people of the kingdom too much so he can spend it on uselless things.

**Other Notable Characters**

**Zelda**: Princess of Nottingham. A kind and just woman who admires Link and wishes to meet him. She also has a dark secret.

**Super Mario**: King of a foreign country. A fat, pompous rival love interest to Zelda as he tries to get cozy with her.

**The Bard**: A reoccurring charter who constantly appears before our heroes at the worst of times with annoying ballads.

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**Next**: Chapter 1: Blunder-Hood, coming soon!

_**What do you think so far? Please review!**_


	2. Chapter 2

The story begins within the Sherwood Forest, where our merry heroes are escaping impending doom from Ganondorf, the ugly, mean Sheriff of Nottingham. Link, Locke, Leak, and Luke were all dodging arrows shot at them from their foe.

**Link**: Thanks a lot for blowing our cover, Leak! You just had to snag Ganondorf's turkey leg from his grimy hands while he was sleeping!

**Leak**: But I was hungry! I couldn't just let that poor turkey leg be tortured in the hands of that sheriff!

**Locke**: Tortured? What the hell man, our mission was to steal his treasures ad give it back to the poor citizens of Nottingham you big oaf, not to pilfer poultry!

**Link**: Hey, I just realized something…where's Luke?

**Chapter 1: Blunder-Hood**

"**Hahaha! I gotcha now!" **Ganondorf bellowed as he put away his bow and leaned down toward Luke, who had tripped and fell from the pursuit. The pompous, rookie thief gulped as Ganondorf grabbed him and raised him to eye-level. **"Any last words you petty thief?"**

Luke turned his nose and looked away from the sheriff as he spoke. **"Why yes, would you like a ye-olde Tic-Tac? Your breath is as stale as the back-end of a peasant's steed,"** Luke said in a snooty tone.

"**Impertinent brat!"** Ganondorf yelled as he prepared to clock Luke with his fist, when someone whistled at him from afar.

"**Hey sheriff! Don't look up!"** yelled Link from behind him.

"**What?"** Ganondorf said, dropping Luke and turning around. **"Uh oh…"**

Ganondorf was met in the face with a giant log tied to a rope that swung down from above and collided with the sheriff, sending him flying into a nearby river. The rest of the band of thieves met up with Luke shortly after.

"**Are you alright?"** Leak asked Luke, chomping on his prized turkey leg

"**Alright? Does it look like I'm quite all right? If you guys didn't run so fast, I wouldn't have been caught by that ogre of a sheriff, and I definitely wouldn't have been nearly bludgeoned by a large log either!"** Luke protested, getting up and brushing himself off.

"**I guess girly legs and making excuses are common amongst the rich,"** Locke said, rolling his eyes.

"**C'mon, let's return the gold to the peasants before the sheriff returns,"** Link said, turning to lead the way, but was suddenly met by Ganondorf again.

"**Too late!"** Ganondorf said, grabbing Link by the neck, choking him.

"**You let my buddy go!"** Leak shouted, clubbing Ganondorf on the back of his head with the turkey leg, knocking him out cold.

"**Thanks pal,"** Link said, catching his breath. **"Now let's go already!" **Link said, turning to leave again, but suddenly ran into Ganondorf once again.

"**Oh no you don't!"** Ganondorf growled, putting Link into a headlock.

"**What the hell? The sheriff just keeps coming back!"** Locke said, a bit freaked out at the fact that they can't seem to put the sheriff out of his misery long enough for them to escape.

_(This is going to take a while, folks…)_

After three straight hours of trying to shake off the ever-persistent Sheriff of Nottingham, the band of thieves finally were able to make their escape. Eventually, they arrive in a small-secluded village in the middle of the forest. They head toward the village elder's house and knock on the door.

"**Yes, who is it?"** the old woman asked as she opened the door.

"**Ah, yes, allow me to introduce myself. I am Link, and these are my Merry Men. You may have heard of us? We have taken the liberty to retrieve the money that was unlawfully taken from you from the---"** Link started to explain when the old woman cut him off.

"**Aha! So you are the young whippersnappers who made of with our money last night! You will be punished for this treachery!"** the old woman said, whacking Link and the other men with her walking stick.

"**H-hey, lady! You got it all wrong! We aren't the thieves! We just merely stole it back from the real thief who—"** Locke tried reassuring her, but was cut-off from a sharp smack across the face from the stick. The old lady then whistled for backup.

"**Villagers! Get these petty thieves!"** the old woman ordered. Within seconds, angry villagers who carried torches and pitchforks surrounded Link and his group.

"**Run away!"** Leak yelled as he haphazardly plows through the crowd, making a path for the others to escape.

With that mission drawing to a close, Link and his Merry Men return to the thicket of the Sherwood Forest to hide from the angry mob until dawn. Until we hear from them again, let us move on to the next part of the tale.

**Next**: Chapter 2: The Princess's Pitiful Plight

_**Please review!**_


	3. Chapter 3

Meanwhile in the Royal Castleof Nottingham, the beautiful and captivating Princess Zelda has some problems of her own.

**Princess Zelda**: Oh, Link…how I long to see you…my hero in green…where art thou?

**Fat Guy Wearing Red**: I may not be green, but I'm more than willing to quench your thirst for idolism and romance!

**Princess Zelda**: What the…who are you and how did you get past security?

**Fat Guy Wearing Red**: Never mind the small details, my fair lady, allow me into your life, and together we will rule Nottingham with an iron fist!

**Chapter 2 The Princess's Pitiful Plight**

Princess Zelda leered at the overweight intruder with a disproving glare.

"**I demand to know who you are. Speak now!"** Princess Zelda said.

"**Very well. I am Sir Super Mario, Duke of Italy, but you can just call me Super Mario,"** the fat man said with delight. **"I came to propose to you…to be my bride!"**

Princess Zelda raised her eyebrow in a disapproving way.

"**What makes you think I would want to spend the rest of my life with you, you ugly, rump-faced fool?"** Princess Zelda questioned, crossing her arms

Super Mario twiddled his thick mustache and chuckled.

"**Well, you see, my lady, I want to help you and your family out by enforcing laws that would bring unruly brigands and thieves to justice. You know, like that infamous Link and his band of fools,"** Super Mario explained.

"**You're out of your mind. This country's well-being is of no concern to you. Besides, Link and his friends help out Nottingham more than you will ever realize!"** Princess Zelda shot back.

"**I see. So you are turning down my wondrous offer then?"** Super Mario questioned.

"**Yes, now get out before I kick you out!"** Princess Zelda said, getting more annoyed by his mere presence.

"**Oh come now, what can a petite, harmless girl like you hope to do to try to remove me from your room?"** Super Mario asked with a grin.

Without any warning, Princess Zelda's magic began to work on its own will, transforming herself into Sheik.

"**Momma-mia! What sort of---"** Mario started to say, but was cut off when Sheik ran toward him and delivered several dozen blows to his fat gut, ending with a roundhouse kick, sending him flying out the door and crashing into a wall in the hallway.

Super Mario slowly got up and wobbled dizzily toward her. When he regained his composure, he looked at Sheik with a dumbfounded expression.

"**Wow…you're even hotter in this form!"** Super Mario commented.

Sheik grabbed Super Mario's collar and yanked him toward her, leering at him with a cold glare.

"**If you ever want to dominate Nottingham with me, then you better clean up your act! Now come let us plan out a strategy to kill Link and his Merry Men!"** she said, dragging him down the hallway.

Super Mario was completely oblivious to what was happening at the moment.

"**I don't know what's going on, but I like this version of her even better!"** Super Mario commented to no one in particular.

It seems Princess Zelda has a bit of a personality disorder. Dos she really intend to destroy Link and his pals and rule over Nottingham with some fat Italian twit? As the story begins to unfold, let us move on to the next part of the tale.

**Next**: Chapter 3: Bards Are Annoying, coming soon.

_**Please review!**_


	4. Chapter 4

We return to the thicket of Sherwood Forest, where the party of heroes waits until dawn before leaving the dark, dense forest. Unbeknownst to them, they weren't alone.

**Link: **Man, what was that old lady's problem anyway? I man, we returned the money that was stolen from their village, and what do we get in return? We get attacked!

**Locke: **Allow me to add the old lady to 'The Ye Olde List..."

**The Bard: **The Ye Olde List…I like it, it has a nice ring to it.

**Luke: **What the…who might you be?

**The Bard: **I am The Bard, the greatest minstrel in the land!

**Leak: **Uh…what's a bard doing here in the middle of nowhere

**Link: **Are you working for Sheriff Ganondorf?

**Locke: **I bet he's a spy! Let's kill him.

**The Bard: **No wait! Allow me to explain myself, good fellows…

**Chapter 3: Bards Are Annoying**

Link and his Merry Men has encountered an odd individual who claims to be a bard. How will they handle this situation?

"**I still say we should kill him. We could make Bard-Kabobs,"** Locke said with an evil smile.

"**Ooh, I like kabobs!"** Leak said, grabbing The Bard by his shirt and lifting him into the air.

"**Please, good fellows, here me out! I do not wish to harm you! My only wish is to entertainment you!"** The Bard explained.

"**Really now,"** Link said, crossing his arms.

"**Why not give this fine person a chance?"** Luke said. **"I mean, we aren't going anywhere until daybreak, so let's hear some of his entertainment."**

Link sighed.

"**Fine,"** Link said. **"It better be good."**

Leak dropped The Bard onto the ground with a loud thud.

"**Oh thank you, good fellows! I will not disappoint thee!"** The Bard said, bring out his prized mandolin. He began singing and playing shortly after.

**The List**

_The heroes have a list a list_

_A list of ill fated will_

_The heroes have a list a list_

_The urge to stab and kill_

_The village elder is a wench_

_She thought you were the thieves_

_The village elder is a wench_

_She forced you four to leave_

_But now that you have a list a list_

_The heroes have demised_

_But now that you have a list a list_

_Their lives won't be compromised_

The Bard finished his song and looked at the heroes.

"**Well, how was it, good fellows?"** The Bard asked eagerly.

"**It was okay…a bit repetitive, but okay,"** Locke said.

"**I thought it was quite charming,"** Luke responded.

"**That was awful, just plain awful,"** said Simon Cowell.

Everyone turned and stared at Simon.

"**Whoops, I'm not supposed to be here, am I?"** Simon said, before leaving.

"**It's fine in all, but your mandolin playing skills are to be desired. It sounded like you were skinning a cat after you had drenched it in ice-cold well water,"** Link said to The Bard.

"**You don't say? And you think you can do better?"** The Bard asked.

"**Yes,"** Link responded.

The Bard handed Link his mandolin and crossed his arms.

"**Then show me what you can do!"** The Bard said.

Immediately, Link began playing a supercharged heavy-metal solo perfectly on the mandolin. After he was finished, he handed it back to The Bard, who was left speechless.

"**How's that?"** Link said, smirking at The Bard.

"...**That was marvelous! You know, you good fellows are all right! Allow me to accompany you on your travels,"** The Bard offered, bowing to the group.

"**I don't know…this guy could prove to be a liability on our travels,"** Locke said.

"**Yeah, not to mention that we'll have to share the food rations with him as well,"** Leak said, his stomach grumbling in the process.

"**Well I say he can come with us,"** Luke said, stepping up for the minstrel.

"**Okay, fine, he can come. But if he causes us any trouble, then he's history,"** Link said.

The party of heroes has made a new friend during their stakeout in the Sherwood Forest. Little do the heroes know that this minstrel will be a great hindrance to them in the future.

**Locke:** A great hindrance? What do you mean?

**Narrator:** I'm not telling you, silly. You just have to wait and see for yourself!

**Locke:** …You sneaky bastard…

**Next**: Chapter 4: Ganondorf The Stupid

_**Please review!**_


	5. Chapter 5

It was now dawn, safe enough for Link, his Merry Men, and the Bard to be on their way once again. Leaving the depths of the Sherwood Forest, they head toward the Village of the Thieves, the hero's favorite hangout spot.

**The Bard: **Ah, that be a great night it was!

**Locke: **Oh shut up, bard. Don't forget it was you who kept us up all night with your singing and playing!

**The Bard: **But I thought you guys _liked_ my singing and playing?

**Link: **Yes, its okay…but NOT WHEN WE WERE TRYING TO SLEEP!!!!

**The Bard: **But wasn't I singing and playing soft enough?

**Luke: **Apparently not, my good fellow.

**Leak: **C'mon guys, let's go, I'm hungry!

**The Bard:** H-hey! Wait for me!!!

**Chapter 4: Ganondorf The Stupid**

As our faithful heroes travel along the beaten path toward the Village of Thieves, they would soon encounter a familiar adversary.

**"Surprise, Merry Morons!"** shouted the evil Sheriff Ganondorf as he hopped out from behind a nearby tree.

**"You!"** Link growled, drawing his sword, while the others did the same.

**"Oh my, who might this ugly brute be?"** the Bard questioned.

**"Insolent fool! Have you been living under a rock not to know my name?"** Ganondorf said.

**"Well, after my shack burned down last month I did have to rent out a large boulder in the time---"** the Bard recollected.

**"Shut-up! Now prepare to feel the blade of my…"** Ganondorf says, pulling out his blade, **"...Butter knife?!"**

The Sheriff doesn't pull out a sword, but a dull butter knife instead.

**"Ah hell…"** he mutters before he gets jumped by the entire group.

**Minutes Later**

After Ganondorf was beat to a pulp, Link left Leak in charge of tying up the Sheriff while he and the other members began planning on where to dump Ganondorf.

**"Okay! All done guys!"** said Leak as he hopped toward the group, completely tied up in rope.

**"Um…not to be rude Leak, but, what the devil...wasn't that rope supposed to be for Ganondorf?"** Luke said, raising an eyebrow.

**"Oh yeaaaah…that's right…well, as I was tying up the Sheriff, he offered to give me a hand with the rope, so in the end, guess he tied me up instead…heheh…"** Leak said with an embarrassed smile.

**"…Idiot…"** Locke said, shaking his head.

Ganondorf appears before the group again.

**"Hahaha! You fools! I guess your friend is more of a hindrance then a help! Now I've got your precious Bard in my clutches!"** Ganondorf says, holding the Bard in his grasp.

**"Oh my…the way you're holding onto that Bard, you must really like him,"** Luke pointed out.

**"Shut-it!!! Now turn yourselves in or witness your beloved Bard be crushed by my awesome strength!"** The Sheriff warned.

**"The Bard isn't really that precious to us,"** Link said.

**"…What?!"** Ganondorf said.

**"Yeah, that guy just follows us around. Do whatever you want with him,"** Locke said.

**"Oh…so…taking this guy is no skin of your backs?"** Ganondorf said, dumbfounded.

All of the merry men shook their heads a if to say 'no'.

**_"Um…good fellows…are you sure you should be saying that?"_** the Bard whispered to the heroes.

**"Wow Sheriff, your tactics aren't working today. You should go home and do some more planning,"** Link suggested.

**"…You're right…my plan of action was very sloppy today…"** Ganondorf said, scratching his head.

**"And while you're at it, why don't I hold your sack of money you have tied around your belt?"** Locke added.

**"Oh…sure…here,"** the Sheriff said, handing them the money while still in deep thought.

**"Right, we'll be going then. Let us be on our way, Mr. Bard,"** Luke said as he and the entire group fled the area hastily.

After both parties were both far from each other, Ganondorf just realized he was tricked into giving them his money.

**"HEY WAIT A MINUTE!!!! DAMN YOU LINK!!!"**

Once again the ever-vigilant band of thieves has foiled the evil Sheriff's plans. What adventures await them next? We will find that out later, but for now, we'll see what's happening with the evil Italian Ruler and the two-faced Princess of Nottingham.

**Next**: Chapter 5: Majestic Meatballs

_**Please review!**_


	6. Chapter 6

As Link as his Merry Men flee from Sheriff Ganondorf, we now turn our attention back to Princess Zelda and the fat buffoon Mario.

(The scene shows the inside of the castle where the two are supposed to be, but instead shows a barren room, with the sound effect of crickets chirping in the background)

**Narrator**: Uh…what's going on here? Where are Zelda and Mario?

**Zelda**: We're on break due to a technical difficulty.

**Narrator**: What do you mean 'technical difficulty'? It's been over three months and our readers are waiting for the next decent update to this fic! What gives?

**Zelda**: Mario's got stuck in the ye-olde toilet.

**Narrator**: …You've got to be kidding me…

**Zelda**: I know, sad isn't it?

**Narrator**: Yes…yes it is…

**The Bard**: Well then…while we wait, shall I sing to you, my fair lady, a song?

**Zelda**: Um…I'm not really in the mood…

**The Bard**: Ahem! (Strums mandolin) There once was a lady named…

**Locke**: (Takes The Bard's mandolin and smashes it over his head) The princess said she didn't want to listen to your annoying music.

**The Bard**: Owie…

**Mario**: (Toilet flushes in the distance) Okay, I'm back! My younger and less sexy brother Sir Luigi got me unstuck! On with the chapter!

**Zelda and Narrator**: Um…yay?

**Chapter 5: Majestic Meatballs**

Super Mario and Princess Zelda were in a private room plotting on how to destroy Link and his Merry Men. Princess Zelda was still in her Sheik alter ego mode, mind you.

"**So, my beautiful princess, what do you have in mind in ousting that Link and his band of rogues"** Mario asked intently.

"**I say we lure them to us somehow,"** Sheik responded, arms crossed.

"**And then what? Stab him and the others with a knife?"** Mario suggested.

"**No you idiot! We've got to make it look like an accident…publicly…"** she said, thinking as she spoke.

Then it hit her.

"**I've got it. We hold an archery contest. We'll announce this event throughout the land, and the ultimate prize will be yours truly. This will be one event they will not be able to resist,"** Sheik continued. **"Once they are in my custody, my royal castle guards will ambush them and destroy them once and for all!"**

**"And then we will rule over the land together!** **Sounds good in all…but what if they don't decide to come?"** Mario questioned.

"**What do you mean, fat-man?"** Sheik said.

"**To ensure their arrival, I have a plan in place just in case they refuse to take part in your proposed event my fair lady,"** Mario explained.

"**Oh?"** Sheik said, rising an eyebrow.

Mario nodded his head and took something out of his pants pocket.

"**Indeed. See this bottle here? The contents within are a secret recipe handed down from my family line. One whiff of this stuff can turn any simpleton into a raging ferocious madman,"** Mario explained.

"**Get to the point,"** Sheik ordered.

"**We shall give this to Sheriff Ganondorf and let him smell this sinister incense. Once he does, he'll overrun Link and his Merry Men and bring them to your event…that's if he doesn't kill them first…"** Mario added with a cheesy smile.

Shiek glared at him before turning aaway.

"**Whatever. Just be sure they get here in one piece, or I'll tear you up myself!!!"** Sheik warned.

Suddenly, Sheik's magic powers began going out of whack again. After a flash of white light, Princess Zelda was back to her normal self again.

"**Um…what am I doing here? What happened? Were you trying to get me alone and feel me up while I was unaware?!"** Princess Zelda accused Mario.

"**No wait! I can explain! You turned into this crazy shrouded woman and you…"** Mario tried to explain, before he was punched in the face by Princess Zelda's fist.

"**Pig!"** she said with a huff before leaving the room.

"**Momma mia…"** Mario said dizzily, before passing out.

The plan is in place, but will Link and his Merry Men react? What will happen to them? Stay tuned, fellow reader!

**Next**: Chapter 6: The Capture

_**Please review!**_


	7. Chapter 7

Now back to our faithful heroes. After giving Ganondorf the slip, again, they were once again on their way toward the Village of Thieves. Unbeknownst to them, a familiar foe will try to intervene for the umpteenth time.

**Link**: Again?! Isn't that Sheriff ever going to give it up?

**Narrator**: What would be the fun if he did?

**Luke**: He's got a point.

**Locke**: Enough chatter. I want to get a cold one at the village.

**Narrator**: I normally don't help out the heroes in these stories, but you best better be prepared for what's to come.

**Link**: Why should we trust you? You're just some mysterious faceless guy speaking to us from thin air!

**Narrator**: Touche'...alas...I tried to warn them...

**Chapter 6: The Capture**

On the forest's beaten path, Link, his Merry Men, and The bard were travel about the area, talking among themselves. All the while, Ganondorf was watching them from some nearby shrubbery.

**"Heheh...I got you now, merry morons,"** Ganondorf said, ready to pounce upon them once more.

But before he could take action, Mario appeared behind him and tapped on his shoulder.

**"Huh? Who are you, and what do you want?" **said an agitated Ganondorf, turning around.

**"I'm just a mere passerby,"** Mario lied**. "Say, you look thirsty. Care for a drink?"** Mario offered, pulling out a bottle of mysterious liquid.

**"It isn't ye olde Gatorade is it? That stuff gives me gas,"** Ganondorf inquired.

**"Um...not at all!"** Mario lied again. He hands the bottle and then takes his leave.

**"Heheh...my plan will work for sure! Soon, Ganondorf will bring those thieves to the upcoming Archery Tournament in no time!"** Mario sniggered to himself before disappearing from the area.

Ganondorf pops open the lid of the bottle and take a drink.

**"Hmm...this stuff isn't half bad..."** he says, smacking his lips.

Suddenly, he began to change.

**"Urk...what's...what's going on...GUWAAAAA!!!"** Ganondorf groans loudly as he began transforming into a menacing creature.

Meanwhile, Link and the gang began hearing strange noises behind them. A low growling noise to be exact.

**"Leak, is that your stomach growling again?"** Locke asks.

**"Uh...no, not this time I think..."** Leak responds, patting his fat belly.

With each passing moment, the growling got louder and louder.

**"What be that awful sound?"** Luke asked.

**"Could be a beast. Be on your guard,"** Link said, ready to pull out his weapon.

All of them spun around and prepared to investigate the noise, which came through the thicket of the forest along the path.

**"Show yourself!"** Locke proclaimed.

**"RAAAAAAAAWR!!!!!" **yelled the giant beast as it leaped out into view. It was Ganondorf alright, as they recognized his stretched and torn clothes, but this time he was in his Boar-like form, aka his original Ganon transformtion. The beast stood over ten feet tall, was very muscular, and had a look of chaos in its eyes. He was also wielding a large double-bladed battle Axe the size of a large redwood.

**"AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!" **all of the men yelled in unison, except for Luke, who screamed like a little schoolgirl.

**"What the hell happened to Sheriff Ganondorf?!?!?!"** Locke said, backing up slowly.

**"I think he put on a few pounds..." **Leak said, gulping.

**"Oh my...that Sheriff has really let himself go..."** The Bard said, rather scared at the grotesque monster in front of him.

**"YOU...COME...WITH ME!!!!"** Ganondorf roared.

**"C'mon guys, let's take him down,"** Link said with the little confidence he had left because of the situation.

**"Don't worry, I'll protect everyone!"** Leak said, rushing toward Ganondorf ready to perform a full frontal body slam on him...

**BOING!!!**

...which ended with the chubby Leak ricocheting off of Ganondorf like a rubber bouncy ball.

**"Looks like its time for me to save the day,"** Link said, now pulling out his bow as he fired an arrow straight at Ganondorf's eye.

It looked to be a direct hit, but Ganondorf caught the arrow between his fingers and used it as a toothpick before flicking it away.

**"Link, hand me one of your bombs!"** Luke said, running toward his leader. After acquiring one of Link's black bombs, Luke hurled it with all of his might toward the towering enemy. That plan failed as well when Ganondorf leaned forward and caught the bomb in his mouth, swallowing it like candy.

**"It's time to do my part,"** the nervous Bard said, approaching the monstrous Sheriff.

**"What could you possibly do?"** Link asked with a 'WTF' tone.

**"It is said that music can sooth the savage beast. So, I will play a song,"** the Bard said, strumming his mandolin...

**CRACK!!!**

...which soon ended as Ganondorf punched the Bard clear across the road, leaving his mandolin and his teeth still hanging in midair.

**"So much for the song..."** Link muttered.

**"Hey...where did Locke go?"** Leak asked, looking around for their buddy.

Locke had taken the opportunity to sneak behind the over-sized beast and attempted to slash at his neck. Locke climbed onto his shoulders and prepared to strike, when Ganondorf quickly turned his head and snorted Locke off of him.

During the next hour the panicked screams of the heroes were heard throughout the forest until Ganondorf defeated them all. He scooped up the band of thieves and made his way toward Nottingham Castle, the location of the aforementioned Archery Tournament. The situation looks bleak for our merry heroes, for it seems Mario's plan has suceeded. But this is only half of the devious plot. What will become of them in the upcoming final chapter? Stay and find out!

**Next: **Chapter 7: The Merry Match Of Skill

_**Please review!**_


	8. Chapter 8

Link as his Merry Men (and The Bard), captured by the transformed Sheriff Ganondorf, were now held up at Princess Zelda's castle within a dark, damp room.

**Locke**: Well guys, its official…we got owned.

**Leak: **What did we do to deserve this?

**Link: **I don't know…but it's apparent that something is up behind the scenes.

**Luke: **Do you think the Princess has something to do with this?

**Link: **I doubt it. She's not the type of person that would betray us like that.

**Locke: **I can't wait to get out of these ropes and kick the Sheriff's ye-olde ass…

**The Bard: **Look, someone's coming!

**Chapter 7: The Merry Match Of Skill**

The door to the holding cell opens as Super Mario enters while eating a turkey leg. He stops and smiles evilly at them.

"**Who are you?! And where is the Princess?"** Link demanded.

"**I'm King Mario, the handsome man who's going to marry Princess Zelda," **Mario said in between bites.

"**Oh yuck! Why would she marry a slime ball like you?"** Link asked angrily.

**"Because, simpleton, you may not be aware that the Princess has some…personality issues. Behind her sweet demeanor is an evil bitch who's plotting with me to rid of you for good!"** Mario explained.

"**Jack-shit! You're lying!"** Locke growled.

"**Oh am I?"** Mario said, stepping out of the way as Sheik enters the room.

"**P-princess?!"** everyone says in unison.

"**Indeed, merry-morons. I'm the one who devised this scheme. Mario here helped by spiking Sheriff Ganondorf's drink with a potent compound that'll turn anyone into a wild unstoppable beast!"** Sheik explains with an evil tone.

"**This is wrong! We never did anything bad to you!"** Leak said with a whine.

**"Oh can-it, will you? I'm not without any sympathy, you know?"** Sheik continues.

"**What do you mean?"** Link asks.

"**I have gathered the people of the land to watch an Archery Match in which you guys will be forced to participate in along with Mario and Sheriff Ganondorf. This contest will decide who in the end will be the one to marry me, and who will end up being executed in front of everyone!" **Sheik explains.

"**Hey now wait a minute!!! You're actually giving the prisoners a possible chance to marry you instead of me if they win?"** Mario says in shock.

"**That's really quite understandable…I mean…just look at you!"** The Bard comments with a chuckle.

"**We'll accept your challenge, Princess,"** Link says with a determined look in his eyes.

"**We will?!"** his Merry Men responded in unison.

"**Yes! And I swear I'll find a cure for your condition,"** Link promises her.

Sheik laughs evilly before turning to leave.

"**Mario, bring these men to the royal courtyard. The games begin in ten minutes,"** Sheik says as he leaves.

"**Yes, my love,"** Mario says as he prepares to escort the men out.

Minutes later, our Merry heroes are escorted to the courtyard of Nottingham Castle. It was sunset, and the entire kingdom was there to witness the event.

Link and his Merry Men stood in the large, grassy castle courtyard along with Sheriff Ganondorf and Mario. Mario was doing, (well, trying at least) to do some warm-up exercises. Ganondorf, who was back to his original form, however, looked to be a bit woozy after that transformation ordeal. Sheik was sitting in a royal box seat just above them.

"**Do not worry, men, this will be a piece of cake. I doubt King Fatass over there is a competent archer, and the Sheriff has never used a bow in his life,"** Link whispered to his men.

"**You're the best archer between all of us, so good luck,"** Locke said to him.

"**Yeah! Get the girl and let this be a happy ending!"** Leak says with much delight.

Moments later, a royal guard appears on the field, and blows on his horn to get everyone's attention.

"**Here ye! Here ye! Welcome to the First Annual Archery Tournament of Nottingham! Which one of these three men will aim for the bull's-eye and have a shot at marrying Princes Zelda? Let the games begin!!!" **the royal guard announces.

The crowd cheered widely as all three men approached their posts, retrieved their bow and a quiver of metal-tipped arrows.

Ganondorf was the first to go. He loaded an arrow into his bow, pulled it back, and aimed. He released the bow quickly afterwards.

_**ZIP!**_

A perfect bull's-eye.

"**Wow…that Sheriff is good…" **The Bard commented.

"**Beginners luck…"** Locke stated, rolling his eyes.

Next it was Mario's turn. He too got into position, aiming the arrow slightly, and then releasing it.

_**ZING!**_

A perfect bull's-eye for him as well.

"…**Oh my…why this isn't looking good…"** Luke commented.

"**Don't worry, this will be a piece cake,"** Link stated.

Link took his position and swiftly loaded his bow and shot it seemingly dead on toward the target.

_**ZOOM…!**_

The arrow seems to be heading for the center of the target, but suddenly veers off to the side at the last minute, the arrow landing in the grass next to the target.

All of the Merry Men gasped at the outcome.

"**Impossible! I've never missed a shot in my life!"** Link said, aghast at his miss.

That was the end of round one.

"**Ha! The Princess will be mine for sure!!!"** Mario taunted.

"**And I'll see to it that your deaths will be slow and painful!"** Sheriff Ganondorf stated with an evil smile.

Before the next round, there was brief break before the match resumed. Link and his Merry Men huddles together for a quick meeting.

"**Did anyone else find the first round a bit strange?"** Leak asked everyone.

"**No duh! Link's arrow suddenly shot off to the side before it hit the target…like something was diverting it somehow…"** Locke said.

"**So foul play is somehow in the works then…understandable, since this event is being used against us…"** Luke stated.

"**So what do we do then, good fellows?"** The Bard asks.

"**During the next round, I want you guys to casually walk behind the targets and inspect them without looking suspicious and see if there is something attached to the back of them,"** Link said.

All of the men nodded and dispersed, just in time for the second round.

Throughout round two, the same outcome came for Ganondorf and Mario's shots: both bulls-eyes, while Link's arrows again veered away from the target. All the while, Link's Merry Men took a stroll behind the targets, trying to notice anything fishy about them.

Just as Link assumed, there was something indeed different with every target.

"_Hmm…what are those merry morons up too?"_ Sheik asks herself as she notices the band of thieves moving about the courtyard.

After the second round, the band of thieves gather to report their findings.

"**Well?"** Link asked.

"**Just as you figured, Link. The back of Ganondorf and Mario's targets contain very strong magnets around its center, most likely the reason their arrows always end up in the bulls-eye range,"** Locke said.

"**Yeah! And your target is loaded with a lot of different magnets, causing it to go everywhere!"** Leak added.

"**Those sneaky bastards…"** Link growled. **"Well show them not to mess with us!"**

"**I think I know what you want us to do,"** Luke says.

"**Same here. Just leave it to us,"** The Bard said.

Everyone nodded and got into position.

"**And now its time for the final round! With Sheriff Ganondorf and King Mario in the lead, things are looking bleak for Link and his pals! Let the finals begin!!!"** the royal guard announced to everyone.

As usual, Ganondorf was up first. As he prepared to load his bow, Leak walks up to him and taps him on his shoulder. Ganondorf turns around and glares at him.

"**What do you want, idiot?"** Ganondorf says to him, annoyed. **"Can't you see I'm busy?"**

While Ganondorf was occupied, Locke quickly walks past him from behind, all the while sapping all of the Sheriff's arrows while no one else was noticing. When he was gone, Leak made his leave as well.

"**Moron…"** Ganondorf said as he went to grab an arrow from his quiver…

"_**HSSSSSSSSSS!!!!"**_

…only to grab hold onto a rattlesnake instead.

"**AAAAAAH!!!!!! SNAAAAAKES!!!! I HATE SNAKES!!!!!!"** Ganondorf yells, tossing the snake away from him, causing the snake to land on top of Mario.

"**MOMMA MIA!!!!"** Mario yells, now running in circles as he tries to get rid of the snake, which now crawled into his shirt.

The crowds started booing and tossing food at them for their tomfoolery. Sheik looked pretty agitated at the scene as well.

During the chaos, Luke and The Bard returned to the targets and removed all of the magnets while everyone's attention was on Ganondorf and Mario.

Afterwards, the royal guards steps in and quiets the crowd.

"**Due to the un-sportsmanlike display of idiocy by the these two players, they will be disqualified for making a mockery of the sport in front of the people of Nottingham,"** the royal guard stated.

"**WHAT?!?!"** both Ganondorf and Mario yelled in disbelief.

**"Thusly, our contestant Link will have a chance to claim victory…only if he can score five bulls-eyes in the next five shots,"** the royal guard explained.

Link grinned widely.

"**Not a problem."**

Link loads five arrows onto his bow, and shoots them simultaneously at his target.

_**ZIP…ZING…ZANG…WHOOSH…SWISH!**_

Every last arrow landed in a perfect circle within the red bulls-eye range.

"**And the winner is Link!!!"** the royal guard cheers.

The entire audience cheered as well in an uproar at Link's victory. Sheik was on the verge of exploding with anger at the fact that Mario and Ganondorf failed, ruining her plan all together. She pulls out a knife from her pocket and readies herself to jump down from her box-seat and assault Link and his men personally.

"**DIE YOU MEDDLESOME THIEF!!!"** Sheik shouts as she leaps off and performed a swan dive right at Link.

"**Link, LOOKOUT!!!"** yelled Locke.

Link spun around to see Sheik almost upon him, when suddenly something strange happens.

Sheik suddenly began glowing a bright white magical light while in midair. When the light disappeared, she was back to her normal self again. When she realized where she was, she began screaming, tossing the knife away from her.

"**I'LL SAVE YOU!!!"** Link shouts to her as he ran toward her and jumps into the air.

"**Gotcha!"**

Link grabs Princess Zelda in the knick of time as both of them fall back toward the ground for a semi-soft landing.

"**L-Link?!...Link, my love!!! Where am I? What's going on?"** Princess Zelda asks, not remembering anything prior to this event.

"**Saving you from the evil schemes of those two jerk-wads,"** Link said to her.

They both embraced each other tightly, happy that they are finally together.

Meanwhile, Mario and Ganondorf approached them after they had gotten rid of the snake that terrorized them.

"**This is not fair!!! I was supposed to get the girl in the end!!!"** Mario whined.

"**This is a disgrace!!! I wanted to kill Link and band of buffoons for the longest!!!"** Ganondorf added.

At that moment, Locke, Leak, and Luke surround the two bad guys and cracked their knuckles.

"**You sure know how to ruin the moment, don't you?"** Locke said to the two.

"**You two will pay for your crimes,"** Luke stated.

"**Yeah! We're gonna kick your butt!!!"** Leak added.

The sound of fists colliding into Ganondorf and Mario's faces ensue as Link and Princess Zelda took the opportunity to leave the three thieves to take out the trash of the land while they exited the castle grounds, with Link holding her in his arms.

"**So where do we go now?"** Princess Zelda asked Link.

"**Until everything cools down at the castle, why not stay with us in the woods for a while?"** Link asks her.

"**I would love to!"** Princess Zelda responds, kissing Link as they made their way off into the sunset.

Meanwhile, The Bard watches the happy ending, and gets an inspiration for a song for a fitting ending to this fic.

**The Merry Ending Melody**

_Link and his Merry Men win in the end_

_La la la la la la la_

_The villains got their faces busted in_

_Fa la la la la la la_

_The merry tale has come to an end_

_La dee dee da la dee dee_

_Thank you reading we'll see you again_

_La la la la la la…_

**_TWANG!!!_**

(The Bard's Mandolin string snaps at the end of his song)

**The Bard**: Oh my…didn't see that coming…

* * *

**The End!**

**What did you think? Please review!!!**

**A direct sequel to this fic is in the works with more characters and an even grander plot!!!! Add us to your Author Alert list so you won't miss its release!**


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